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The way we treat each other in the church day in and day
out is important and speaks of our understanding of
faith. We are to treat each other with love and
respect, even at those times when we do not see eye to
eye. We may not always agree but we always show love
and respect to each other. Unfortunately there are
churches with the reputation of members always fighting
among themselves within the congregation. There might
be a couple of families who have been feuding with each
other for decades. People become stuck and are unable
to resolve their differences or move beyond their
present dilemma. Anyone new entering such a church
quickly senses the drama and most likely will not stay
very long.
Jesus loves each one of us and has a deep love for the
church. It is out of that love that Jesus offers
practical advice for dealing with differences within the
church. Jesus in his wisdom knew that from time to time
believers would face differences of opinion. Conflict
is simply part of human nature.
There is also a community aspect when persons within the
church are in conflict. When two members of the church
are unable to resolve their differences the entire
church is effected. We might want to say the conflict
is between Allan and Jane, but in truth it effects the
entire congregation. There is a corporate nature to sin
that we do not always recognize. We are in this
together. Ignoring the presence of conflict often does
more harm to the church than dealing with the problems
head on.
Jesus instructs, “If another member of the church sins
against you, go and point out the fault when the two of
you are alone.” Notice that it is the offended person
that is to take the first step by going to the other
person. When we find ourselves in this situation we are
not to wait for the person who hurt us to come to us
rather we are to go to that person immediately. It is
possible that the person who offended us is not aware
that we are hurt.
We
love and care for each other enough that we will take
that first step, in confronting the person who wronged
us. We do so with love and respect for the person. We
point out what the person said or did as wrong. This
first step is private, simply between the two persons
involved. We do not gossip or tell others that we have
been hurt until we first speak with the person
involved. There are times when we are tempted to skip
this important first step and tell others how we have
been wronged. The first step is to meet with the person
one-on-one with the goal of resolving the problem.
If
the person listens, realizes their wrong, and apologizes
Jesus says, “You have regained that one.” The goal of
the meeting is to reconcile, to work through any
differences and not to fuel the conflict by name
calling. It takes effort and willingness on both
parties to work the problem.
While we might try our best, sometimes our best
intentions are not enough. We’ve met with the person
who hurt us, but unfortunately we were unable to
reconcile. The second step according to Jesus is to
take one or two people with us who will act as neutral
observers. “Take one or two others along with you,”
Jesus instructs, “so that every word may be confirmed by
the evidence of two or three witnesses.” The
“witnesses” are not to take sides but rather help the
members work through their differences. More than two or
three might be intimidating to the other person.
Perhaps in the course of the discussion, the observer
notices that one person is not truly open, or holds a
grudge. The observer points this out again with the
goal of resolving the difference that is causing pain to
one or more members.
When the problem is serious enough it may take more than
just one meeting to work through the differences. The
way we treat each other is important enough that we will
want to continue working through any problems.
What happens when you follow Jesus’ steps and are still
unable to work through differences? You have met
one-on-one with the person in question. The meeting
ended with the problem unresolved. The next step is to
take two or three others with you to observe and help
guide the discussion. The final step is to “tell it to
the church.” You have exhausted all means of
reconciliation. The next step is to call an all-church
meeting where you can air your differences. The members
of the church will be directly involved. Even at this
step the goal is reconciliation.
The church is charged with the responsibility of
deciding what next steps need to happen. If the
offending party refuses to listen to the church, than as
painful as it may be, that person is asked to leave the
fellowship. That sounds harsh to us. In a time of
declining church membership we need all the members we
can get and certainly would not want anyone to leave.
Again consider the corporate nature of the church, the
body of Christ. When one person sins it effects the
entire church. When the church allows a person still
harboring negative feelings toward another to remain
will cause more harm than good in the life of the
church. The church will continue to struggle instead of
being able to put the issue to rest and move on.
This third step is to be employed only when you have
exhausted all other avenues toward reconciliation. This
is a step we need to take seriously. On those rare
occasions we may need to part company with another
member for the church to move ahead with its mission.
Whatever the church decides is a binding decision. We
grieve all losses but when the person refuses to listen
to the entire church we have no other alternatives.
However, in all this there is a word of grace, Jesus
says, “Let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax
collector.” While we may debate what this means suffice
to say that when a person is expelled from the
fellowship we are to treat that person as an outsider.
We start all over with the person, as we would any one
who does not yet know Jesus. Maybe over time the person
will repent and then be welcomed with open arms back
into the fellowship of the church. Remember how Jesus
was criticized for associating with “tax collectors.”
One of the disciples, Matthew, was a tax collector. We
do not completely close the door but simply start all
over with the person.
The relationships we have with one another are important
and have an eternal dimension. Jesus says, “Whatever
you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever
you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”
It
is never pleasant to confront someone we care about who
has sinned. It always makes us feel uncomfortable. It
is awkward asking two or three persons to go with us to
help work toward reconciliation. It is even more
uncomfortable airing our differences before the entire
church. It is important for us individually and as a
church to follow Jesus’ instruction. Remember in the
midst of conflict, in the midst of difficulty, Jesus is
present with us, “For where two or three are gathered in
my name, I am there among them.” Jesus is always
present with us even in the midst of conflict.
In
a few minutes you will be invited to the altar to
receive communion. The bread and juice draws us closer
to Jesus and also closer to each other. The Lord Jesus
is present at his table.
Amen.
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